Heart vs. Mind

Many people told me I am pretty sorted with my perspectives. Before I honestly share my case, let’s talk about why they might be right.

When someone tells me I am sorted, they are not completely wrong. This is what they see in me:

• I have good self-awareness

• I understand people and my relationships better

• I see different POVs

• I respond instead of react

• I forgive, communicate, and understand long-term bonds are important over little fights

I have an ideology around how to carry myself, and I meet the character I want to be—almost all the time.

The gap between what I want to be and what I am is too small. My mind and heart are in sync. If given a situation and asked for advice, I’d probably give a realistic, practical, and in some ways, ideal solution.

They are right so far.

But that’s not the case with my close circle—with the people who mean the world to me.

Although I take all the above actions, the gap between my mind and heart is not always small.

When I face difficult situations myself (especially in close circles), I don’t take the right action despite knowing the ideal solution.

I understand the circumstances. I know exactly what I should be saying and doing, but still, I can’t get myself to act as I need to. I don’t like my behavior in such a setting; I still do it.

I will communicate and take the ‘mature‘ steps eventually, but only after a little passive aggression or isolation.

“It only makes me human” is one way to look at it. But I doubt my self-critical nature will let me accept the gap between my heart and mind any time soon. WIP.

I am sure I am not the only one.

Some people just don’t understand

One of my newer phrases to make myself feel okay when my people don’t get me is, “Some people just don’t understand.”

I try too hard to make the opposite person see my POV. I get into details, explain my thoughts, and give them everything they need to make a ‘well-informed‘ decision.

Sometimes it helps. Most times it doesn’t.

I don’t think suppressing my feelings is a sustainable option, so I’m beginning to think this way:

• I get upset for silly things—and only I know why they are not silly. Irrespective of how detailed a backstory I give and how I express my feelings, some people just don’t understand.

• I have my freelance business. My content is not monetized yet, but I take it seriously and spend decent hours. Honestly, managing both freelance and content consumes a sizeable amount of energy and time.
  
  I stopped pursuing cricket professionally, yet I still practice 3-4 days and play 1-2 matches a week. Despite my heavy workload, only I know why I spend 24-30 hours a week in a sport that exhausts me mentally and physically. I can give a thousand reasons why I need to play, some people just don’t understand.

• I like to be reassured every now and then—even with my delusionally high self-confidence. I can talk for hours about why I need reassurance with little things, but some people just don’t understand.

Does this phrase solve my problems? No.

Will it help me sleep better? Maybe.

Wishlist

Aravind, Vidya, and Ibraheem keep talking about having a wishlist on our websites—a public list people can look up to if they want to gift you.

Coming to think of it, and with my 25th birthday coming soon, I see how helpful a wishlist is.

Let me explain.

1. I like receiving gifts. It makes me feel good as long as they are not expensive. I feel guilty when someone spends big bucks on me.

2. Even if I don’t want the other person to go through the trouble to buy me gifts and ask them not to, they’ll still do it anyway.

If you know what I want/need and come up with a creative gift, of course, I’ll be grateful and give you a big hug.

But I am thinking about friends who want to gift me, but don’t know what to.

These are the cutus who usually end up buying a shirt that doesn’t fit me, a gadget I don’t use, or something I already have. All because they don’t know what I need.

Why not make it easy for them?

Why not create a wishlist of gifts I’ll be comfortable accepting, along with some details (shirt size, favourite colours, etc.)

I am building my website. Might take Wishlist seriously.

Do you live in or around Mangalore?
We can meet.

I’ll be in Mulki from 6-12th October. It’s 40-50 minutes away from Mangalore.

If you are in or around Mangalore, I’d love to meet you over lunch or dinner. DM me on my socials or reply to this email to let me know.

Until next time, hasta la vista.