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- Making friends in your 20s
In case you missed the last 100 times I mentioned how much I love my friends, here is the 101st time: My friends make me a better person, let me explore a different side to myself, and make time when things go south. And we have fun, ofc.
But this issue is not about what friendship means. But how to connect with new people when you have too little time to socialize and build relationships.
There was a time I hardly went out. It made me lonely, burned out from my work, and saying “I wasn’t myself” wouldn’t be an exaggeration.
I thought I didn’t have enough friends. But that’s not true.
The truth is: I never made an effort to make new friends. I never tried to find like-minded people that matched my changing interests.
Fast forward to 18 months, I consciously invest time in making new friends and experiences. Life is less chaotic now.
I’ve learned certain limitations act as major friction points to meet new people in 20s. Like most of your focus is on your career, finding love, side hustles, etc.
But I believe you can still make friends and there is a right way to it (more on this as we read.)
I will keep it short and stick to bullet points.
Get out of your culture zone. Be it your community, city, language, profession, anything. Get to know people doing things wildly different from you and genuinely be open about their views and habits. It takes your mind off your routines and makes you adaptable to various social environments.
Meet for work if you work remotely. Adapt to cafés, workspaces, etc. The hustle in your 20s doesn’t allow long dinners, multiple meetups, etc. When you meet for work - even if you are not working on the same thing - you are spending time bonding with each other without disrupting your schedule more than it should.
Meet for activities. Not everyone has the privilege of remote work, nor do we want to work with people. So if you can’t spend more time, spend your time better. Meeting for lunch or dinner is cute, but doing activities together creates a stronger, faster friendship. Think of museum tours, movies, bowling, walks, art cafés, clubs, stand-ups, exploring new places in the city, etc.
Join Communities. If you can do yourself one favour, it ought to be this. Communities are more about socialization and off-time than what communities are meant to be. Sports or book clubs, dance workshops, open mics, etc. Because when you pick an interest and join a community, you are essentially finding yourself in a room full of like-minded people.
You are not an introvert. You haven’t found your tribe yet. If you think you are unable to make friends because you are too introverted, wait until you meet people with your level of crack.
Categorize friends. Create small, niche groups independent of each other. Like a movie friend, jog friend, 3 am rant friend, etc. Match friends with different hobbies, and it’s totally fine to hang out doing one thing all the time.
Internet is not as bad a place. You can talk to strangers and make good friends. Especially if any of your work is public. It takes time to start conversations. It takes time to identify good people from the creeps. Online life is a little easier for men than women (women deal with creeps all the time), but you can find good people if you spend enough time on the internet.
That’s all I know.
PS: I tried to articulate my experiences best and gave a more generalized, actionable opinion. If it is helpful in the next 2-3 months, let me know. It makes me happy about you.
To (new) Friendships!
Love,
Vikra.