Friendship Day is nostalgic for me. I meet my best friend(s) every year to spend time and talk about how we’ve spent all our friendship days—from school to the present day.

Different people have different strong pillars in their lives - to celebrate, ride the tides, and even just exist in the boring phases. It could be family, colleagues, mentors, anyone. For me, it’s friends.

I have repeatedly mentioned how fortunate I am to have met beautiful souls with whom I have spent enough time and call my friends.

They shaped my personality and contributed massively to what I am today. Many of my writeups on friendships are based on my relationship with my friends, and I thought there was no better time to share them all in Vikra’s Café.

Buckle up, presenting my best Friendship Essays:

1. What is Friendship Day for Adults?

School-age and Celebrations

School Days were good. We were never bored of Friendship Day. The cycle repeated every year with the same enthusiasm.

Even today, I messaged my friends. A few smiled, a few got excited, and others didn’t really care, but they were happy I texted.

When I recall everything as an adult, I realize it was not about any particular day. It was all and always about celebration.

It was about the joy of showing your best friend they mean something to you. In retrospect, this is what I mean when I tie a friendship band: Out of 30-40 students in our class, you are my favourite. You are special, and I love you for being my friend.

The joy of expressing oneself makes these days memorable.

⏩️ to today…

Adulting and Celebrations

As an adult, what is the equivalent of a friendship day? Where do you get the joy of expressing yourself? When do you enjoy celebrations? What do you give to your beloved?

I can think of birthdays, anniversaries, milestones in personal and professional life, festivals, vacations, etc.

But let’s be honest. Not everybody gets excited about birthdays, likes celebrating festivals, can take vacations frequently, or enjoys travelling. This only reduces the total small moments you truly enjoy and want to celebrate.

If you rely on fixed dates like festivals, it might not be enough for the kind of stress you go through and the responsibilities you handle. This is why I think it is important to identify and celebrate self-defined days, even for the silliest reasons.

If Google Photos or Snapchat memories remind me of the good time I had with a friend a few years ago, I message them saying, “It’s been three years alreadyyyyyy!!!!”

We hang out the same day, plan to meet sometime soon, get on a video call, or just recall what we did on chat. That is our little self-defined celebration.

2. Text your friends when they’re sleeping

Texting someone knowing they’re asleep is one of the purest forms of expressing love. It can be a meme, a good morning message before they wake up, just a few random snaps of what you’ve been up to, anything.

It shows you’re thinking about this person even when you know they cannot talk, respond, or reciprocate.

I share cute lines, pictures, and songs to make my friends smile when they wake up. It’s a good feeling as a giver; and even better when you receive it.

3. Who do you think of when you are happy?

Think of the days you have the main character’s energy.

You’re killing it at work. Every hobby you touch turns into gold. You socialize well. You hardly feel any void. Plus cherry on top, you also get enough time in solitude. The peace meter is probably at its best. Touchwood.

In my opinion, the answer to “Who do you think of when you are living your best life?” is a person/group that means the world to you.

When life is not so good, when you are vulnerable, you tend to open up to people who you wouldn’t otherwise invite. If things worsen, you might even talk to a person/share info you’d regret later.

But when life is good, you hardly give any fucks to people who don’t matter. You are not bothered by most folks’ actions or what they’re up to. You are comfortable and cosy in your bubble.

You don’t make friendships you don’t need, you don’t talk to people who don’t reciprocate, you don’t focus on filling voids.

If at all you care, it’s for the people who mean the strongest of bonds to you.

• Who do you want to share the good news with first?

• Who do you want to check in with despite your busy schedule?

• What group messages do you open at any cost, ignoring 100+ unread chats?

If you can think of a name, you’re winning in life.

4. Showing love/concern even when everything is okay

In any kind of relationship, it’s important to express love just for the joy of it.

Love and friendships are not milestones you celebrate, it’s the moments you capture. And you don’t need an appointment for that.

The same goes for concern. Don’t ask, ‘Is everything okay?’ only when something feels off. Show concern and tell them they can talk to you even when everything seems okay.

5. We don’t acknowledge enough

It’s easier to get mad at your friend for not showing up, and it’s harder to acknowledge their efforts when they show up despite being busy.

When was the last time you acknowledged your friends’ efforts?

I know, I know. Saying thanks and all sometimes feels cringe. We’re not always comfortable expressing ourselves and have different equations with our friends. I am not talking about expressing but acknowledging yourself so you don’t immediately get mad on bad days.

6. Making time

Be it for texting, video calls, or meeting in person, I always recall this line when I find myself in a situation hard enough to stop making time for my close circle:

I’ve been saying this to myself for over three years, and that day never arrived. I hope it never does.

Making time is not as complex as we think.

It’s your presence that really matters (most of the time), not the activity or the medium. It may not be exactly what they need, but at least it’s something.

7. I am not lucky

If I can think of it this way, 80% of my skills are because of me. I practiced, worked hard, and put in the reps. 20% of contributions came from my friends/colleagues, etc.

But when it comes to my personality, I give all the credit to my inner circle.

I think better because of them. I am kind because of them. I have matured because of them. I behave better because of them. I understand consent, boundaries, and emotions because of them.

It wouldn’t be exaggerating to say they’ve shaped my personality for good. If you like me as a person today or like my views, what I write, and how I behave, it’s all because of the closest people in my life.

But never in my life would I say to them: “What did I do to deserve you?”

Because I know I am not lucky.

I’ve made efforts, put in the time, and have been available whenever they needed me. The relationship did not happen. We built it together. That’s not luck or chance.

If I was lucky at all, it was when I was quickly forgiven for the mess I made many times.

8. Making new friends in your 20s

I noticed it's hard to make new friends in your 20s because you're super focused on your career and you hardly get enough time to spend and bond with people outside your inner circle ...and that is why I love working from cafés once a week. I get to meet people, roam around, share personal stories - all while getting some work done.

Aravind, Sreekar, and I would have been a strong group anyway, but the amount of time we get to spend with each other is dreamy. We work together, give feedback, have meals together, and sometimes even watch movies late at night.

I met Kanika recently. It's only the second time we've met, but there's no way we'd have hung out for 9 hours on a working day if we'd met for lunch or dinner.

More you do these, you get so much more comfortable sharing your life events, work progress, personal goals, and even rants - and all these brew friendships (which is hard for remote workers.)

If you say, "I can't focus in a café; I'm super productive in isolation", I agree and I hope this essay helps you understand I wasn't talking about work.

That’s my time! Have fun with your friends. Happy Friendship Day! ❤️ 

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